Community

Community: Some Ideas

Community Spaces

  • Think about your favorite spaces & go there more often
  • Become a “Regular”: Go at the same time each week to meet other Regulars
  • Parks/Beach
  • Book Club/Bookstore/Library
  • Sporting Club
  • Farmers Markets
  • Coffee Shop
  • Dog Park
  • Gym
  • Trivia Night/Mahjong
  • Billiards/Shuffleboard/Ping pong
  • HOA Board/Neighborhood-Community group
  • Political group/Attend local government meetings
  • Place of Worship
  • Join a group: acting, choir, improv, photography, dance, etc
  • Chat rooms: Reddit/Quora/Discord/Instagram/Facebook/Tumblr
  • Support Groups

Special Events

  • MeetUp.com
  • AirBnB classes
  • Fetstivals/Art Fairs/Farmer’s Markets
  • Concerts/Plays/Dance/Speakers
  • Retreats/Seminars/Speakers
  • Creative Loafing/Tampa
  • Curtis Hixon Park/Tampa
  • Tampa Theater
  • Straz Center/Tampa
  • Ruth Eckerd Hall/Clearwater
  • Palladium/St. Petersburg
  • Mahaffey Theater/St. Petersburg

New Friends + Dating

  • Online Female Friend site (Hey Vina, Bumble BFF)
  • Events & Adventures
  • MeetUp.com
  • GetThursday.com
  • Match.com
  • OK Cupid
  • Bumble
  • Hinge
  • GRNDR (for LGBTQ+)
  • Her (for lesbians)
  • Stir (for single parents)
  • Christian Mingle
  • J-Date
  • BLK
  • Positive Singles (for those with STDs)
  • Meet Mindful
  • Coffee Meets Bagels
  • Zoosk
  • Facebook Singles
  • Plenty of Fish
  • Tinder
  • E-Harmony
  • Our Time
  • Widows Or Widowers

Support

Support: Some Ideas

Support System

  • Make a list of everyone whose been there for you (in kind and consistent ways). 
  • Reconnect with those you’ve lost touch with, including those who live far away- tell them why they are important to you.
  • Believe you can still find your tribe. They may also be online, authors, mentors, etc.
  • Eliminate toxic people
  • Reconsider those who are inconsistent or you’ve grown apart from. Consider having the hard conversation that gives you both a chance to reconnect.
  • Ask someone to be “sponsor” for situations where you are trying to use mindfulness instead of reacting in habitual ways

Ways to Connect

  • Be a good friend first before expecting others to be. 
  • Initiate: Plan, coordinate, invite, remind, host an event/holiday
  • Set the date for next time at the end of each get together so it’s already planned
  • Online: Cheer-Support-Affirm on someone’s social media page
  • Check-in: Text/Email
  • Call: Skype/Zoom/FaceTime
  • Snail Mail: Write letter/Postcard/Send care package
  • Home: Potluck/Game Night
  • Garage Sale/Neighborhood Picnic
  • Help: a neighbor, a new parent, someone recovering from health issue/aging
  • Date out: Meal/Comedy club/Festival/Movie/Theme park/Beach
  • Work: Sit in communal spaces; Invite others out to eat; Bring bagels-donuts-fruit to work
  • Attend: a loved ones event, sport, chemo/dialysis, important appointment 

Ask for Help

  • Be vulnerable and risk being a burden and ask for help anyway. Also, ask your loved one how full their tank currently is and let them know you’ll understand (and do the same for them) if they need to tell you they can’t this time.
  • Ask trusted friends for referrals 
  • Kid Caregiving: Care.com/Doublemintistting.com
  • Elderly Caregiving: Care.com/Visiting Angels
  • Petsitting: Rover
  • Hired help: Thumbtack, Angie

Movement

Movement: Some Ideas

Mindful Movement

  • Stretching
  • Yoga/TaiChi/Pilates/Qigong
  • Kung Fu/Jujitsu/Karate/Judo
  • Barre/Ballet class
  • Self-defense class

Home Exercise

  • Free Weights
  • Punching bag
  • Pushups/Sit ups/Jump rope/Calisthenics (e.g. push against a wall for 10 sec, squats, lunges, stairs, training with resistance bands, etc)
  • Dancing
  • Online workout
  • Stationary bike/Foot pedal (while sitting on couch)
  • Cleaning/Wash car
  • Walking Dog (yours or neighbor)
  • Yardwork/Gardening 

Energetic Release

  • Boxing/Combat Class
  • Racquet ball
  • Cycling Class
  • CrossFit/Orange Theory/Gym Class
  • Smash Room/Axe throwing/Batting cage
  • Roller Derby/Roller skating/Ice skating/Hockey
  • Trampoline park

Outside Fun

  • Walk/Hike in a park
  • Run/Running group
  • Biking/Recumbent
  • Climbing gym
  • Rollerblading; Skateboard park)
  • Swim/Canoe/Kayak/Rowing Team
  • Pickleball/Volleyball/Basketball
  • Horseback riding 
  • Tennis/Golf

Worthwhile Investments

  • Home-workout equipment
  • Gym membership
  • Blender/Meal kits
  • Grocery delivery service
  • FitBit/Apple Watch

Calm Fun

Calm Fun: Some Ideas

Television/Movies

  • For Humor: Comedies/Stand up 
  • For Light-hearted: Animation/Kid programming
  • For Emoting: Dramas
  • For Distraction: Anything

Reading

  • Join a book club
  • Overdrive (free audible library books)
  • Audible (paid subscription for audio books)
  • Substack (online platform for writers)
  • Stroll a bookstore
  • Inspirational/Religious texts
  • Fun magazines
  • Book about a hobby
  • Work/Educational
  • Graphic Novels/Comcis
  • Poetry
  • Children’s books
  • Workbook/Guided Journal

Podcasts/News/Music

  • Spotify
  • iTunes.com
  • Stitcher.com
  • YouTube
  • Ted.com (Ted Talks)
  • Make a personal playlist for different moods
  • Nature sounds
  • ASMR sounds

Phone Apps/Games

  • Board games
  • Sudoku/Crosswords/Puzzles
  • Words With Friends
  • Online/SIMS games

Creativity 

  • Hobbies
  • Writing
  • Cooking/Bake/Canning & preserves
  • Meal prep, freezer meals
  • Make pet food & treats
  • Crafts/Art
  • Adult Coloring Book/Mandalas
  • Holiday Festivities 
  • Learn/Play instrument
  • Photographing
  • Knit/Crochet/Needlepoint
  • Make cards/Write letters
  • Woodworking/Refinishing furniture
  • Setting up home gadgets
  • Collage/Vision Board/Pinterest/Scrapbooking
  • Self-Portraits
  • Memory Box (Loss)
  • Inspiration Box (Quotes, Letters, etc)
  • Hope Box (Goals)
  • Legacy Box (Yours)
  • Redecorate your living & work spaces
  • Painting rocks & leave for others to find
  • Altars for meditation
  • Gardening
  • Paint Nails/Haircut
  • Courage jewelry/Touchstones (symbolic objects you carry with you)/Crystals

Learn a Skill/Hobby

  • YouTube
  • Master Class
  • Udemy.com
  • Coursera.org
  • Community College course or audit a college class
  • Language app/class (e.g. Lingoda, Verbal Planet, Rosetta Stone, DuoLingo)

Home

  • Use your vacation/sick days to rest. If possible, plan a mental health day one day every month.
  • Start a collection of anything you delight in
  • Prune and donate any unnecessary items
  • List simple joys/favorites (e.g. meals, restaurants, places to relax or have fun)- and do more of them
  • Plan a trip to the mountains/forest/where seasons change
  • Create a daily decompression routine; Make a plan to sleep in and rest; Make a plant to wake up early to get a jump start
  • Create slideshow on your watch/computer of happy/inspiriting pics/memes
  • Set up a tent, fort, curtain inside or outside to create a new space
  • Rocking chair, sit on porch, hammock
  • Read to a loved one or read the same book as someone to talk about later

Going Out

  • Go on a date with yourself
  • Take off your shoes & walk in the grass or beach sand
  • Visit theme park during slow season
  • Go for a drive (e.g. windows down & music up)/Mini-travel/Travel
  • Window shop
  • Simple Task/Errand
  • Buy some new clothes (within budget)
  • Get a professional hairdresser/makeup artist for a new look
  • Spa: massage, manicure, pedicure, facial, etc
  • Gun range
  • Fishing
  • Go on a picnic or to your favorite restaurant
  • Shoot pool
  • Art/History museum/Aquarium/Zoo
  • Bowling
  • Arcade

Backpack of supplies:

For when away from home or if you need to leave home to calm down

  • Books
  • Downloaded Music/Podcasts
  • Journal/Coloring pencils
  • Gym clothes/Outdoor gear
  • Blanket or comforting sweater
  • Water bottle/Snacks/Etc

Gratitude + Cheer + Kindness

Gratitude + Cheer + Kindness

Gratitude

List what you are grateful for in your life- that Life has brought to you.

This exercise will only work if you write in exquisite detail. The more specific you are, the more you can identify what exactly it is about this thing/person/situation that delights you. The more specific you are, the more poignant and fresh the awareness will arise in you as well as the positive feeling.

Some examples are: a heartbreaking lesson that grew you, a buttery and flakey croissant for breakfast, a trusted and unconditionally loving friend checking in on you, a rebellion in the news keeping hope alive, etc .

Cheer

List what you are proud of about yourself – that you have brought to your Life.

Some examples are: courageous or disciplined choices you’ve made in the past that you feel today, taking a shower that was hard to start, making time to read in your hammock, responding to a text from a place of compassion instead of reaction, etc.

Kindness

Do something kind for someone else today. For example: let someone know they made it on your gratitude list, compliment a stranger, offer grace for a small annoyance, etc.

Do something kind for yourself today. For example: set up a lovely placemat and your favorite dishware for your next meal, think of all the reasons you find yourself pretty rad, give yourself permission to not think about or feel guilty for something that isn’t your fault even though it makes you sad, etc.

A Noble Apology/ Clean Your Side of the Street

A Noble Apology/ Cleaning your side of the street

A noble apology is often still needed even if the person who acted out has already softened, even if you are both tired of fighting, even if the idea of just forgiving and moving forward seems like it’s own noble practice. All of these reasons do not account for the work of understanding, integration and actual reconciliation.

Moreover, sometimes an apology is made to simply end or shut-down a more involved conversation that is needed.

A noble apology may be needed even if “I am sorry” has already been said. Sometimes “I am sorry” simply is not sufficient. Even if you’ve made several smaller apologies along the way (in reaction to specific events), it’s extremely powerful to tie all of these small insights together into a more comprehensive map of understanding (of your general personality). Knowing (or trying to know) how and why your mistakes and truths intersect is emotional maturity. This process equips you with the tools for true closure so that you actually can put hurts behind both of you (unless you repeat the same behavior- then it absolutely will be brought back up again- and needs to). 

A noble apology can still be offered even when you think the other is “wrong” and also when you objectively did nothing wrong because you can:

  • Acknowledge that whatever you did unwittingly hurt another
  • Learn from this new information and decide if this is a relationship that can grow to operate within both of your core value systems
  • Make hard decisions for yourself if the other person doesn’t align with your core values

Cleaning your side of the street is doing the exact thing you are asking of another- owning your part, no matter how shamefully unskillful, no matter how seemingly miniscule.


Why Apologize

1. Gift to the one who was hurt:

  • They are suffering. Perhaps they are really stuck trying to understand why you treated them unfairly or exactly what happened to cause your reaction. Many go so far as to deeply, sometimes unconsciously, feel they are bad or something is wrong with them.
  • They don’t feel emotional safe with you (i.e. “My feelings don’t matter to the one I care about; etc”)– and won’t continue to share freely with you.
  • They don’t feel you respect them (i.e. honor their reality and their emotional intelligence; “I am dismissed as too sensitive, too unstable, etc”) – as evidenced by them reaching to teach you about their experience and your poor response.

2. Gift to the one who made a mistake:

  • The self-respect and control of taking of full responsibility for one’s behavior.
  • The sanity of responding to the unfolding reality that just gave you new information about the impact of yourself.

3. Gift to the relationship:

  • To prevent bitterness, resentment, and unfinished business to snowball and erupt into the next heavy conversation- likely with the consequences intensifying.
  • To grow from your weakness, no matter this relationship or the next. If it’s your work, it will follow you.

4. Recognizing we have no control how another person will respond to our whole-hearted apology, we apologize as a testament to our ongoing commitment to the next right thing. 


A Note

This apology, as laid out below, is extremely idealistic. It will never happen exactly like this, but it clarifies the steps to get through to each other and to keep from having the same argument without any progress. Try your best. If you get overwhelmed, slow down and try going through this section by section with the person you are trying to connect with.


How to Start

The one who wants to make amends for their role should make it known they would like to apologize and ask to set aside plenty of quality time to make a whole-hearted apology.

Then make a plan- likely not at night when you both are tired or when you only have a small window of time. Nothing needs to be settled now if you either of you are not calm. It’s okay to go to bed (feeling) angry- it’s not okay to go to bed (being) mean. Furthermore, if you push someone who is not ready to talk and needs space to diffuse more damage can occur.

That being said, going too many days refusing to address a hurt or stonewalling is cruel and you should not tolerate this.

Pick a neutral location that is not associated with past arguments. 


Start from your limited perspective

I want to give you an apology you deserve for what I did when I ___________ .

I shouldn’t have because ___________ (i.e. I expect better of myself; you’ve told me before this is hurtful, etc)

I imagine that it hurt you because I’m guessing you felt __________ .

I am really sorry.


Active Listening

Will you tell me your exact hurts and why each hurt affected you so much? I promise to put myself in your shoes and try to listen from that place only for right now. Then, I will repeat what you said back to you to make sure I truly understand each hurt as you’ve expressed it- not only as I imagined it. 

Exact hurts are then expressed one by one. Don’t go on to the next hurt until each one is processed to completion.

One by one, you summarize the entirety and heart of each hurt as it was told to you. Afterward each individual summary, ask:

  • Did I say it right?
  • Is there more you want to add about this particular hurt?
  • If so, summarize that addition and check if you got it all and if they want to add more again. 

Reflection – Connecting the Dots – Accountability

Now that I understand better how my actions affected you, I want to try to understand better why I did what I did.

The story I (made up in my head and) was telling myself (at the time, that led me to act that way) was ____________ . [This is taken from Dr. Brene Brown’s work on vulnerability.]

Some of the reasons I acted like that most recently was because I was (i.e. tired, jealous, didn’t know what I was feeling and felt out of control, stressed from something else, etc) __________. 

I realize I’ve acted like that in a similar way before when _________.

Some of the reasons I respond in general like that are because I __________ (i.e. learned early on by my parents that _________; was really hurt when someone else who________; never really had a mentor that role modeled both nurturing and selfhood; have a bad habit of __________; etc).

What are your thoughts and insights about why I acted this way?


Learning 

Next time, when  _________ happens, I will do better by ________ .

I want to do better for you so you will have/feel ____________. 

I want to do better for me because I want to have/feel ______________ . 


Patient & Complete Resolution

Is there anything more you want to add (about the current topic only)?

What else can I do to make it right in the future?

What can I do right now to help you feel better?


Now that you really understand, you can give a real apology

  • Without destructive negativity, such as:
    • Anger
    • Saying: “but………” (then pointing out the other’s faults and mistakes and blaming your actions on their behavior).
    • Lazy Guilt: “So, I’m just a failure”
    • Lazy Accountability: “This is your issue, not mine”
    • Passive Aggression: “Fine, I am sorry. Is that what you want?”
    • Defeatist Mentality (when you haven’t actually made all the changes asked): “When will it be enough- it’s never enough. It will never be enough.”
    • Stonewalling: Shutting down, ignoring, showing contempt, or not talking for too many days
  • No one can tell another person the intention of that person’s behavior- only that person knows their own intention. But, there is an impact and that can be different than your intention. You must take the focused time to accept the impact of your behavior, even if the other has made faulty assumptions.
  • Using validation:
    • First, understand their storyline, their chain of thought, their plot points. Validate that you follow their storyline- just as it was told to you and with all the information you know about this person’s past.
    • Validating is NOT agreeing or saying that it makes sense. Validating is committing to making another person feel you heard exactly what they said and what they intended for you to hear- that’s it. Nothing more.
    • For example: “So, you’re saying you were afraid there was a monster under your bed and you heard a noise- and then you concluded there indeed was a monster under your bed. I remember you telling me that you have always been afraid of the dark because something bad once happened in the dark.”
    • Later you will be given an opportunity to ingest the conversation with the nuisance of your truths.
  • It’s important to understand that what might be getting in the way of acknowledging your errors is your ego (because the hallmark of “ego” is it’s fragility in being challenged) and stubbornness.
  • Sometimes you’re just 100% wrong- it’s not 50-50. Sometimes you’re only 15% wrong (and the other is 85% to blame) and still you need to apologize for your part. 

Thank you for taking so much time to help me understand you and myself better. I am sincerely sorry that I hurt you. I really want to do better for both of us.


Commitment to Change

I will continue to think about what you’ve shared today. Please tell me if I am ever missing the mark. I promise to try to hear you without defensiveness. I understand it may take a while for me to truly learn. I will never stop trying because I care about you, because I don’t want you to stop trying to make changes I’ve asked when it’s difficult, and because I simply want to grow as a person (with or without you). 


Amends

Right now, I will demonstrate with action that I get it. I will _________ to show you I understand what new behaviors you need from me and that I am ready to begin right now- I’ve already wasted time and you’ve suffered in that waiting. 

If you the other is someone who responds well to touch, ask “May I hold you?”


Full Circle

Now, I’d like to share an understanding and apology I need from you. Are you ready to listen?


And Finally,

Now that you’ve both taken the time to excavate and process and heal your wounds with each other, there’s one last step.

You now also need to apologize to the important people for whom you acted out publicly in front of as well as to the other’s support system if they are also part of your support system. Your friends and family (and kids) are equally entitled to this next part of your apology, as is the person you harmed. Your being and your relationship exists in a community- not a silo. 

A noble apology means full understanding, full accountability. 

Your acting out may have embarrassed the person you care about. Your acting out may have resulted in the person you care about- who took the high road- to not call you out in front of everyone they way you deserved and so they may have appeared to have been in the wrong when they weren’t. Your acting out may have ruined what was meant to be a beautiful experience for everyone. You need to acknowledge that your acting out- if not repaired with your support system, too- may lessen others’ respect and faith in you. These people are the very ones to whom you and/or the one you care about may being going to for perspective and council when the next difficulty arises. 

To have others watch you harm someone they love is heartbreaking and teaches those watching or connected that it’s okay to treat people this way. It’s your job to do better once you know better. We are each other’s role models. There should be nothing but respect if you do the work of admitting you messed up royally. It happens to the best of us. And regardless of others’ response, it’s still the next right thing. 


Positive Sentiment Override

If you elect for conjoint counseling, understand things usually get heated before finding resolution. They say “what is hysterical, is historical.” This means that whatever is causing a big reaction or big feelings in you or the other likely stems from a wound that came before you two coming together. Stay curious and trust the process of working with your and the other’s shadows.

You will need to cultivate what John and Julie Schwarz Gottman call “Positive Sentiment Override”– the general and expansive feeling of fondness about the other. Therefore, if you have stalled out on having a deep and productive conversation, consider pausing. Instead, plan a date to come back to this work of reconciling and in the meantime add to the friendship. Prioritize enough quality time, just the two of you, doing something you both find to be joyful and easy. This is how you reconnect to what you liked about each other. Relationship hygiene needs to be tended to regularly to foster bonding- not just during or after a fight. A strong friendship can withstand and weather so very much.


Courage

Studies have shown that about 70-93% of communication is non-verbal. Communication is holistic and complex, relying not just on words but also on its delivery through physical cues/gestures, tone, timing, context and more. Additionally, research by Cohen and Tronick on the attachment between mothers and their babies revealed that mothers actually get their baby’s needs wrong- misidentifying and incorrectly tending to them- about 70% of the time.

This means the most primal, intimate, intuitive attachment is riddled with miscalculations. Therefore, the true hold of any bond requires the next logical step- “repairs.” Constant and unending repairs. Thankfully, this is not daunting when your understanding of reality accepts this truth and you adjust your paradigm. Quite the opposite- it is merciful and humbling and full of love. 


Wisdom

Serenity Prayer:

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,

The courage to change the things I can,

And the wisdom to know the difference.

And a final note. Sometimes the most self-kind and healing wisdom is recognizing when another is unable or unwilling (it doesn’t matter which) to participate in this form of reflection and insight. Moreover, many are not always primed for this work given their genetics, temperament, childhood attachment style and past experiences/trauma- through no fault of their own. I suggest you ask yourself if your hope for change is bigger than your gratitude for this relationship as it is right now, as Nick Viall puts it.

Do not betray your gorgeous intelligence and your body’s common sense when you feel the stress of being out of alignment. If someone is being unkind and hurting you, you must stand up for yourself. This includes removing yourself if need be. You cannot do the hard, underbelly of work that a mature relationship requires alone.

But, you must always be in relationship with yourself.

From Byron Katie: The Work

From Bryon Katie: The Work

Below are some prompts developed by author Byron Katie. Using what she calls “self-inquiry,” you can unearth the seemingly solid nature of thoughts- thereby illuminating the elusive stories we actually create and so powerfully drive our feelings.

See Byron Katie’s website for more information and free worksheets for download. 

  • Question 1: Is it true?
  • Question 2: Can you absolutely know it’s true?
  • Question 3: How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
  • Question 4: Who would you be without the thought?
  • Turn the thought around (in as many variations as you can find, checking to see what other deeper truths may stem from your initial thought).

Next Session Worksheet/After a while

Next Session Worksheet/After a while

  1. Review all previous worksheets and take note of any changes.

  1. If my needs/themes are the same as previous sessions:
    • Have I already dissected the issue to have a general understanding of why I am stuck?
    • Have I used all my tools and done everything suggested between my sessions to help myself move forward?
    • Have I been honest with myself about what I may not be ready to do and honor that I may simply need more time to be in my experience just as it is (at least for now)?
  1. If there are no major crises and there are no further changes I am ready to make between sessions, what am I getting out of therapy that is different than what I can get from a loved one/friend or self-work?

CONNECTION: Have I tried to cultivate the level of transparency, depth, and safe space in my conversations with my support system, like I have with Jes?

      • Next step: Expand my search for connections and spaces that have similar energy as my therapy.
      • Next step: Consider con-joint counseling at this point with a partner, parent/sibling/adult child, friend, colleague, etc.

VALIDATION: Do I need to work on trusting myself more?

      • Next step: Space out my appointments to practice building my internal muscles and/or to wait until I actually need an appointment.

SELF CARE: Do I need to transfer my energy/time/money that I’ve been putting into therapy appointments into appointments with myself?

      • Next step: Set a date for self-care that is either calming, devoted to a project/task, a joy, etc

4. Shifting from Focused Therapy to Booster Sessions (booking sessions only as needed) or Supportive Therapy (with a counselor who does Supportive Therapy).

Life is a series of stressors and delights. There will always be difficulties, unwanted surprises, and tension you will be navigating through. Supportive therapy is to help you with exactly this- to process the ongoing, general and daily struggles of this life.

Focused therapy is much more laser-focused about clarifying your core values, needs, wounds, and patterns that arise because they are unresolved in you.  Focused therapy is about seeing the through-line in some of your problems and synthesizing your life lessons into your own personal wisdom. The goal is to build an internal wisdom that replaces the therapist as you begin trusting yourself more and more to guide you and hold your own hand through the tumult of life. Therefore, focused therapy means still doing Next Session Worksheets before every session, preemptively generating your own solutions in therapy (based on what you’ve learned about yourself), and enacting changes outside of session so as to not repeat the same self-wounding.

Supportive and focused therapy are both worthwhile and beautiful- they are just different. Really ask yourself which kind of help is best for what you want your sessions to feel like.

Next Session Worksheet/After a few months

Next Session Worksheet/After a few months

  1. Review all previous worksheets and take note of any changes.

  1. I would rate my overall progress from 1-10 (10 = excellent) on feeling better in terms of moving forward with each session (vs staying stuck) at _____.

  1. What problems am I still struggling with? What actions/steps do I want to take, but I’m not ready to work on changing right now?
    • List the problems.
    • For each problem, list the actions steps you imagine you need to take for or have been suggested to take.
    • What is getting in the way of me taking these actions/steps?
    • Even if I don’t know what’s getting in the way, I know some choices/safeguards/smaller steps could move me in the right direction, such as….

  1. What positive benefits (secondary gains) am I getting by not changing right now and the current situation remaining unchanged?

  1. What are the full negative impacts of my problem:
    • On myself now? In the future if things continue unchanged?
    • On others now? In the future if things continue unchanged?

  1. What solutions have I already tried but didn’t work?

            7. What solutions am I unwilling to consider as an alternative way to feel better?

  1. Why exactly do I need this appointment now? What new questions, reflections, motivations am I bringing today that are different from the last session?