Flashlights

Flashlights

Take what you need, leave the rest.

Lessons on Life

Steve Jobs/ Commencement Speech

David Foster Wallace/ Commencement Speech


Relationships

Alain de Botton/ “Why Will You Marry the Wrong Person”: Why staying can be the wisest act

Elizabeth Gilbert (Start at 30:15 – End)/ “Emotional Autonomy“: Why leaving can be the wisest act  (This is a clip- click blue box on right to “Watch Full Video” to listen until the end)

Esther Perel/ Compilation of three interviews from Lewis Howes’ School of Greatness

Showtime documentary: “Couples Therapy”/ Led by Dr. Orna Guralnik

YouTube series: “Group”/  From the work of Dr. Irvin Yalom

Brene Brown/ Netflix’s “The Call to Courage

The Secure Relationship/ Julie Mennano, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist

Melody Beattie/ “You cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings at the same time.”

Dr. Brene Brown/ “A boundary is the distance where I can love you and myself at the same time. One of the most shocking findings of my work was the idea that the most compassionate people I have interviewed over the last 13 years were also the absolutely most boundaried. The definition of boundary that I use is simply: what’s okay and what’s not okay. When we don’t set boundaries, we let people do things that are not okay or get away with behaviors that are not okay. Then we’re just resentful and hateful.”

Excerpts from Caroline Myss & Oprah interview/

CAROLINE MYSS: When your life path begins to harm you, you’ve taken a detour. You know you’re on the right path– here’s your clue: you’re not put in a position to betray yourself. You don’t betray yourself anymore. You’re not put in a position where you feel like you have to negotiate your sense of integrity, which is an act of betrayal.  You don’t feel like you have to compromise who you are.
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OPRAH: I’ve interviewed a lot of people over the years who are married and everybody talks about how difficult, how it’s work, how a relationship is work.
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CAROLINE: It’s work. It’s work.
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OPRAH: What is the difference between betraying yourself and compromising?
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CAROLINE: I’d say that a compromise is when you willingly, willingly and out of love, say a little this, little that, little this, little that. But in a compromise, you don’t go away feeling like I’ve betrayed myself. I’ve betrayed myself. I’ve allowed myself– I’ve put poison in my mouth here.
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Every choice is either going to enhance your spirit or it’s going to drain your spirit.
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The numbers of times someone will say to themselves, I want to get out of this circumstance but I’m too afraid to take care of myself, so I will lie about how happy I am. I will put up a front. I will lie about this. But they’re betraying everything that’s in their heart.
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OPRAH: I’ve often thought, having experienced being betrayed by a close member of my family years ago, thinking that was the worst. That there’s nothing worse than being betrayed. And just hearing you talk about it today, I think there’s nothing worse than betraying yourself. That the worst, most ultimate betrayal is the betrayal to yourself.
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CAROLINE: You’re right. Yeah. Especially conscious. When you have an opportunity to protect yourself, and you choose otherwise–Oh. Oh, it’s hard. That is hard. It’s brutal. And it’s brutal because it’s you saying to God, saying to the forces, the universal energy, that you’re not worth protecting. And [therefore], you are no different than the people who hurt you.
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OPRAH: What is the difference between knowing when to surrender and doing nothing?
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CAROLINE: A person has to try. A person has to put their energy into their own life and their own effort. That inner guidance tells us. And when you follow this voice, and you push, this is the part that says you should push and you should do this. So it’s the part that keeps us moving and turning the wheel of our life. It’s also the part that says you’ve done as much as you could now. This is it. You’ve done everything you can. So it’s the part that will say that’s as far as you can go.
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OPRAH: The being able to ‘accept’ lives within the range of doing all that you can do. And when you have done everything that you can do, you surrender it. That’s it. Let it go.
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CAROLINE: That’s right. To the power and energy that’s greater than yourself. Give it your all, give it your best. And then not be attached to the outcome.

Connections

Em & Friends Greeting Cards/ Support for the tender & hard times

Humans of New York/ Candid snapshots of our shared humanity

MeetUp.com/ Grassroots meetings, clubs, and interests in your community

Mental Health Movement/ Facebook support group & Podcast


Creativity + Founders

Elizabeth Gilbert/ Your Elusive Creative Genius

Elizabeth Gilbert/ “Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating

Tori Amos/ Commencement Speech

Dallas Clayton/ Artist

James Beshara/ Entrepreneur & Podcaster “Below the Line

Sarah Madras/ Brave Leaders Coaching & Podcaster “Girls Who Do Stuff”


Selfhood

Elizabeth Gilbert (Start at 7:00 – End)/ “The Art of Being Yourself” (This is a clip- click blue box on right to “Watch Full Video” to listen until the end)

Elizabeth Gilbert/ “You Are the Most Important Person in Your Life


Identity

Alok/ Gender as a social construct