Flashlights
Take what you need, leave the rest.
Lessons on Life
Scott Galloway/ The Algebra of Happiness
Joseph Campbell/ Author on Archetypes & Mythology
Steve Jobs/ Commencement Speech
David Foster Wallace/ Commencement Speech
The School of Life/ Articles + Videos
On Being/ Podcast by Krista Tippett, poetry & more
Parable/ A long time ago, a poor Chinese farmer lost a horse, and all the neighbors came around and said, “well that’s too bad.” The farmer said, “maybe.” Shortly after, the horse returned bringing another horse with him, and all the neighbors came around and said, “well that’s good fortune,” to which the farmer replied, “maybe.” The next day, the farmer’s son was trying to tame the new horse and fell, breaking his leg, and all the neighbors came around and said, “well that’s too bad,” and the farmer replied, “maybe.” Shortly after, the emperor declared war on a neighboring nation and ordered all able-bodied men to come fight—many died or were badly maimed, but the farmer’s son was unable to fight and spared due to his injury. And all the neighbors came around and said, “well that’s good fortune,” to which the farmer replied, “maybe.” And so the story goes.
Laura McKowen/ Author
- It’s not your fault. (e.g. intergenerational trauma handed down to you through your caregivers, trauma that has happened to you, political/class landscape, lacking enough social infrastructure, unavailable resources, etc)
- It is your responsibility. (Attending to or fixing everything is not- but how you choose to process your experience within your mind and go forward with the choices in your control is.)
- It’s unfair that this is your thing.
- But it is your thing.
- It will never STOP being your thing until you face it.
- And you can’t do it alone.
- But only you can do it.
- I love you. (e.g. your highest self, Unconditional Love, your Higher Power, The Mystery, You Loving You, Life itself, etc)
- I will never stop reminding you of these things.
don Miguel Ruiz/ Author
- Be Impeccable With Your Word.
- Don’t Take Anything Personally.
- Don’t Make Assumptions.
- Always Do Your Best.
Relationships
Alain de Botton/ “Why Will You Marry the Wrong Person”: Why staying can be the wisest act
Elizabeth Gilbert (Start at 30:15 – End)/ “Emotional Autonomy“: Why leaving can be the wisest act (This is a clip- click blue box on right to “Watch Full Video” to listen until the end)
Esther Perel/ Compilation of three interviews from Lewis Howes’ School of Greatness
Showtime documentary: “Couples Therapy”/ Led by Dr. Orna Guralnik
We Can Do Hard Things/ Podcast by author Glennon Doyle, her sister Amanda Doyle, and her wife Abby Wambach (retired women’s soccer player/National Hall of Fame)
YouTube series: “Group”/ From the work of Dr. Irvin Yalom
Brene Brown/ Netflix’s “The Call to Courage”
Gates of Perception/ Podcast by Jeremie Lotemo
The Secure Relationship/ Julie Mennano, Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist
Melody Beattie/ “You cannot simultaneously set a boundary and take care of another person’s feelings at the same time.”
Dr. Brene Brown/ “A boundary is the distance where I can love you and myself at the same time. One of the most shocking findings of my work was the idea that the most compassionate people I have interviewed over the last 13 years were also the absolutely most boundaried. The definition of boundary that I use is simply: what’s okay and what’s not okay. When we don’t set boundaries, we let people do things that are not okay or get away with behaviors that are not okay. Then we’re just resentful and hateful.”
Excerpt from Caroline Myss & Oprah interview/
CAROLINE MYSS: When your life path begins to harm you, you’ve taken a detour. You know you’re on the right path– here’s your clue: you’re not put in a position to betray yourself. You don’t betray yourself anymore. You’re not put in a position where you feel like you have to negotiate your sense of integrity, which is an act of betrayal. You don’t feel like you have to compromise who you are.
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OPRAH: I’ve interviewed a lot of people over the years who are married and everybody talks about how difficult, how it’s work, how a relationship is work.
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CAROLINE: It’s work. It’s work.
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OPRAH: What is the difference between betraying yourself and compromising?
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CAROLINE: I’d say that a compromise is when you willingly, willingly and out of love, say a little this, little that, little this, little that. But in a compromise, you don’t go away feeling like I’ve betrayed myself. I’ve betrayed myself. I’ve allowed myself– I’ve put poison in my mouth here.
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Every choice is either going to enhance your spirit or it’s going to drain your spirit.
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The number of times someone will say to themselves, I want to get out of this circumstance but I’m too afraid to take care of myself, so I will lie about how happy I am. I will put up a front. I will lie about this. But they’re betraying everything that’s in their heart.
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OPRAH: I’ve often thought, having experienced being betrayed by a close member of my family years ago, thinking that was the worst. That there’s nothing worse than being betrayed. And just hearing you talk about it today, I think there’s nothing worse than betraying yourself. That the worst, most ultimate betrayal is the betrayal to yourself.
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CAROLINE: You’re right. Yeah. Especially conscious. When you have an opportunity to protect yourself, and you choose otherwise–Oh. Oh, it’s hard. That is hard. It’s brutal. And it’s brutal because it’s you saying to God, saying to the forces, the universal energy, that you’re not worth protecting. And [therefore], you are no different than the people who hurt you.
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OPRAH: What is the difference between knowing when to surrender and doing nothing?
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CAROLINE: A person has to try. A person has to put their energy into their own life and their own effort. That inner guidance tells us. And when you follow this voice, and you push, this is the part that says you should push and you should do this. So it’s the part that keeps us moving and turning the wheel of our life. It’s also the part that says you’ve done as much as you could now. This is it. You’ve done everything you can. So it’s the part that will say that’s as far as you can go.
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OPRAH: The being able to ‘accept’ lives within the range of doing all that you can do. And when you have done everything that you can do, you surrender it. That’s it. Let it go.
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CAROLINE: That’s right. To the power and energy that’s greater than yourself. Give it your all, give it your best. And then not be attached to the outcome.
Trauma
Trauma Rewired/ Podcast
Tim Ferris / Podcast episode & Resources
Connections
Mental Health Movement/ Facebook support group & Podcast
MeetUp.com/ Grassroots meetings, clubs, and interests in your community
Reddit & Quora/ Wide collection of forums for discussion
Art
Humans of New York/ Candid snapshots of our shared humanity
Em & Friends/ Greeting cards for the tender & hard times
Self-Care Is For Everyone/ Mental health apparel
Dallas Clayton/ Artist
Lisa Congdon/ Artist
Creativity + Founders
Elizabeth Gilbert/ “Your Elusive Creative Genius”
Elizabeth Gilbert/ “Success, Failure and the Drive to Keep Creating”
Tori Amos/ Commencement Speech
James Beshara/ Entrepreneur & Podcaster “Below the Line”
Sarah Madras/ Brave Leaders Coaching & Podcaster “Girls Who Do Stuff”
Fiverr & Etsy/ Marketplace for freelance artists
Sqaurespace/ DIY website builder
Garage Band for Mac/ DIY music recording
Sountrap/ DIY music & podcasting
Sound Cloud & Bandcamp/ Website to upload & share your self-made music
Self-Publishing/ Custom make, print, sell your own books/e-books
Selfhood + Identity
Elizabeth Gilbert (Start at 7:00 – End)/ “The Art of Being Yourself” (This is a clip- click blue box on right to “Watch Full Video” to listen until the end)
Elizabeth Gilbert/ “You Are the Most Important Person in Your Life”
Alok/ Gender as a social construct