Comforting Instead of Fixing

Comforting Instead of Fixing

Help Opening Up

  • How are you doing? Is everything okay?
  • Can you tell me more? I am curious what’s happening for you.
  • It looks like something is wrong and I care about you- will you talk with me?
  • Will you sit on the couch with me? I’d like to hold you while you talk.
  • How can I help you? I’d love to help you.
  • Would it help if I rubbed your back, massaged your feet, laid with you in bed for a little bit?
  • Would it help if I took something off your plate? Made a phone call? Ran an errand? Cooked dinner? Folded the laundry?
  • Whenever you’re ready, I am here. I love you.

Comforting Words

  • I am so glad you told me. Thank you.
  • I don’t mind helping you.
  • I am right here.
  • I will do my best to help.
  • I wish you felt better, too. It makes me sad to see you in pain.
  • I know how much you want things to go perfect, but I think it will work out well enough.
  • Things are pretty hard for you, but you usually bounce back with some more sleep, after your busy season, etc….maybe that’s all it will take this time too.
  • I know this is really complicated and difficult. I will be by your side the entire time.
  • How can I help? Let me help you do this piece ______.
  • I wish I could help. If I could make it better I would. What can we do together to take your mind off this?

Validating Words

  • I know you are trying.
  • I can see why you did that.
  • I can see from your perspective why you would feel that way.
  • I can see how you took it that way.
  • I know this kind of stuff really stresses you out.
  • I know you are panicking right now and I wish I could take your worry away.
  • I am so sorry they hurt you again. I know you’ve been through this before- but it hurts and sucks every time. I wish they treated you better.
  • I love you because…….
  • I think you are doing great because…..

Reassurance-Issues About Us

  • I think we can figure this out if we have more time.
  • I am glad you told me about this so we can work on it.
  • I still don’t understand, can you say it again in a different way until I do?
  • I love you. So much. And I am not going anywhere.
  • It’s important to me, too, that you feel connected.
  • Can you tell me what you most need to hear right now?
  • Is there any relationship books we can read and talk about together?
  • I am open to couples counseling and making it a priority.
  • Maybe you forgot what I said before- I can help you with…..
  • I know you like to plan, but we don’t’ have enough information. I should know more when……How about we talk more when……….Let’s work on the parts we do know……..Tell me what you are thinking you’ll need……Let’s make a general plan, but just remember anything can change.


  • I don’t know what to say- can you tell me again what kinds of things you need to hear? (Then you practice saying them- right now in your own words).